The holiday season may bring back fond memories of your parent’s laughter, cooking, or other family traditions. For me, this season comes with a host of bittersweet emotions that make me feel both grateful and heartbroken. The holiday season that I’ve always associated joy, family, and tradition, feels different when your parent is nearing the end of their life. While this topic may seem morbid for this time of year, it’s also a reminder to take time to create lasting memories, share meaningful moments, and cherish what’s left, while you’re facing the reality that this may be the last holiday together.
What I’ve learned over the past 8 months, regardless of the time of year, the need to be present for your dying parent while protecting your whole self (mental, physical, spiritual, emotional, financial) are important.
Everyone Grieves Differently: Anticipatory grief is real! It’s OK to grieve your dying parent while they’re still alive. It may take some time for the news to sink in while others grieve with the final goodbye. No matter where you are in the process, allow yourself to freely and fully grieve your loved one. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them or you’re giving up on them, it’s a natural human emotion.
Care for Yourself: Don’t neglect your own well-being! Pour into yourself and refill your cup so you can be present for your parent. To prioritize my mental health and well-being, I made the conscious decision to step down from roles and organizations that were dear to my heart to allow time and space to reflect and recharge. In my yoga classes, I stress that selfcare isn’t a luxury…it’s necessity and a priority. For me, yoga has made me take time for myself. The holistic benefits of yoga have allowed me to take time for myself and focus on my relationship with myself so I can be the best version of me and be present for my mother.
Acknowledge your emotions: It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions—grief, sadness, resentment, guilt, and even moments of peace. It’s important to give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling and not try to force yourself to feel any differently.
- My August 2023 blog shares my yoga journey and how meditation, journaling, establishing a yoga routine has helped me reap the holistic benefits mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
- Take advantage of your employers Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Most offer online training on dealing with grief as well as free counseling services (Tip: Most EAPs allow you to select your therapist from a list of in-network providers).
Lean on Support: Having a solid support system is crucial, regardless of if it’s family, friends, a therapist, church or coworkers. Grief is complex, and it’s easy to feel isolated in your experience. I’ve noticed that sharing your thoughts, feelings and experiences with others helps release emotion and pains your experiences, allows others to pour into you and create a bond if they are or have gone through a similar experience. I’m extremely grateful for my village…you know who you are!!
- CICOA (Central Indiana Council on Aging) is a not-for-profit agency that helps seniors and people of any age with a disability remain comfortably and safely at home and out of institutional care. They empower older adults, people with disabilities and caregivers with answers, services and support. They have been an instrumental resource in my caretaker capacity.
- If your parent is in an assisted living facility, you have a caretaker team that should be discussing your parents care, referring you to resources and answering any questions you may have.
Make Meaningful Moments: Rather than focusing on big gathering, have smaller and more intimate moments with your parent. Small gestures can be more meaningful and allows you to be in the present moment. Creating new traditions will allow you to remember your parent and still live in the present moment.
Allow Room for Joy: This season, it may be difficult to feel joyful but remind yourself that it’s OK to have moments of happiness, to live, laugh and love. Finding small moments of joy doesn’t diminish your parent’s situation; it’s part of the human experience.
The holiday season in the face of a dying parent can feel like a paradox—wanting to hold on to cherished traditions while preparing to let go of a loved one. It’s a balance between grief and love, and you don’t need to have it all figured out. Just be kind to yourself as you navigate this emotionally complex time.
In the end, supporting a dying parent can be a mixture of love, sorrow, and gratitude. While the holidays may look different, the essence of the season—connection, togetherness, and love—can still shine through, even in the hardest of circumstances. And sometimes, it’s in the quiet, unspoken moments that the deepest memories are made. As I navigate my personal journey this holiday season, may these words be a reminder to others that there are people and resources in our community to support you on your journey.
HAMILTON CONNECTION
Hamilton County Leadership Academy (HCLA) and Invest Hamilton County have launched a community ambassador program. The partnership, called HAMILTON CONNECTION will highlight the personal stories of HCLA alumni and allow those Connectors to help personalize the things that make Hamilton County a great place to live, work, learn, and thrive. Meet the Hamilton Connectors HERE.
